This Means War
by Condiotti
Summary: Fanny and Patton. The title says it all. Little language.
1. Mud and Pie

**A/N: Just a little something that popped in my head. I literally wrote this free typing. So there was no preplanning like usual. Tell me if you want a sequel. Just for reference I imagine them all to be about 16. I will give credit though, I was inspired by Bugs Bunny. Also, I will be continuing my other fics soon, don't worry 'bout those. Don't own nothin'! Enjoy. **

"What gives, Fulbright!" Shouted the angry KND/TND Arctic Drill Sergeant as he got up from the mud puddle Fanny Fulbright, aka Numbah 86, had just tripped him into.

The Irish girl just coolly smirked at the irate, mud covered boy. "What ever are ya meaning, Patton?" She asked with mock innocence.

Patton growled and gestured to his mud covered body. Fanny just continued to smirk as she followed his hand. "Yer quite covered in mud there, taken up mud wrestlin' have ye?" Numbah 86 smiled sweetly and blew a bubble with her gum as she leaned against a light post behind her.

Numbah 60 slightly leaned back and looked into those cool killer green eyes. Suddenly he flashed his famous debonair smile and leaned in with his arm braced above her on the lamp post. His six foot frame dwarfed her. Looking down he tilted her head to look up at him. "I would never willingly wear those damn tights."

Fanny popped another bubble and coyly looked up and down his body again. "Who said ya needed to wear tights?" Her voice was husky as she looked back into his eyes.

Patton's smile grew wider as he leaned in further "I always knew you were the perfect girl, even if you are a smart-ass." Bending a bit farther he went to kiss her lips. But even quicker she ducked out of his arms and his lips met nothing but the cold metal. A frown replaced his smile and he growled as he looked at her.

With her flaming hair catching the last rays of the sunset she looked like an avenging angel. Fanny smirked. "Of course I'm perfect, why wouldn't I be?" With that she spun on her heel and walked way from the still mud covered boy.

Patton laughed. "I still owe you for the mud, Fulbright. Mark my words." He called to her retreating back.

Numbah 86 didn't even look back as she laughed and challenged. "Bring it on, Penguin. Bring. It. On."

**+KND+**

It was a week later and Numbah 86 sat with Numbah 362 in the Moon Base cafeteria. The Supreme Leader studied her friend as she ate her meatball sandwich. Finally 86 had enough of the staring. "What?" She asked annoyed, slamming her fork down.

"What, what?" Asked Rachel as she continued to each her meatball creation.

"Ye keep staring at me like Ah have grown a second head or somethin' and it's bloody annoying!" Said Fanny.

"It's nothing." Said Rachel as she tried to wave her friend off. Fanny merely sat back with her arms folded and gave her a look that practically said _Try again, girlfriend. _

Rachel sighed. "I just wondering why you don't admit that you like him already. Everybody already knows."

Fanny scoffed. "And just who is it that Ah would be liking?"

Rachel gave her a droll stare. "Numbah 60, who else?"

Fanny suddenly went pink. " Ah don't know what yer talkin' about, Sir." Steadfastly she returned to her lunch, keeping her head down.

This time it was Rachel's turn for the _Try again, girlfriend_ stare. "Seriously? You're going to play that card? Come on!"

Fanny lifted her head to retort but as she opened her mouth she froze and looked beyond Rachel's shoulder. The confused blonde looked behind her and saw Numbah 60 walking towards them. "Well, speak of the devil." She turned back to see that Numbah 86 had composed herself. In the next moment the boy stopped in front of them.

"Supreme Leader, sir!" Patton gave a cheerful salute with one arm behind his back.

"Numbah 60." Rachel returned the salute.

Patton turned to Numbah 86. "Fanny. How are you?"

Numbah 86 set her fork down again and stood to meet the boy. "What's it to ya?"

"Tsk tsk." Patton shook his patronizingly. "Such temper. I just wanted to know how you were."

Fanny rolled her eyes and folded her arms. "Ah'm fione, now what do you want."

Patton smiled. "I wanted to give you a present, especially after last week."

"A present? And what could ye possibly give me?" She asked.

His smile got impossibly bigger. Drawing back his arm he said, "This!" Before she knew what hit her Patton creamed her face with a pie. Watching the plate slide down the Irish girl's face Patton smirked and asked with mock sincerity. "No hard feelings, right?"

The entire room was so dead silent that you could hear a pin drop. Operatives didn't know whether to run or stay put, so they just waited for Numbah 86's reaction.

Wiping pie cream out of her eyes, Fanny looked at Patton with a glare that would have sent Father cowering. Her next words echoed ominously through out the room.

"Patton Drilovsky. This. Means. War."

**Don't be shy! Review!**


	2. All's Fair In Love and War

**A/N: And here is the sloppy fluff I'm known for. You know everything is better with food, don't you think?**

_Wiping pie cream out of her eyes, Fanny looked at Patton with a glare that would have sent Father cowering. Her next words echoed ominously through out the room._

"_Patton Drilovsky. This. Means. War." _

Numbah 60 continued to smile as he watched 86 reach behind her for the bowl of chocolate pudding. With reflexes honed from dodging cadet screw ups over the years, he ducked under the thrown bowl continued his stare down with the mad Irish girl.

Because Patton ducked the bowl continued flying through the air and hit an unsuspecting operative. Having just walked into the cafeteria he did not know about the epic pie/pudding showdown between Numbah 86 and 60. So the operative threw his lunch tray on the nearest operative in retaliation for the pudding. This caused a chain events that lead to a most invigorating food fight.

As the food fight erupted Patton looked around with a smug smirk. Looking back at Fanny he added a raised eyebrow to that smirk. "I think you missed there, _kochanie*." _

Fanny growled and launched herself at the irritating boy. Surprised Patton tumbled to the ground with the girl. Together they wrestled amid the chaos that was happening in the Moon Base Cafeteria.

Supreme Leader, Numbah 362, was yelling like a general to different operatives, running the food fight like it was a full out war. Quickly ducking flying mashed potatoes and chocolate cake Rachel hid behind an upturned table. "You know really need to stop meeting like this." A cool British voice startled the blonde. Looking over she saw Numbah 1, Nigel Uno, sitting beside her.

"I didn't know that you back from London, Numbah 1." Said Numbah 362.

Looking unconcerned by the flying food around him, he continued to lounge. "London was fun, lots of family and what not. But I missed work. Got a new jacket out of the trip though."

Rachel smiled. "You came back from vacation for work? You seriously need a life solider." Through silent hand signals she instructed operatives around her to attack. "By the way I noticed the new threads, nice Union Jack. If people didn't know you were British, they do now."

"As if there was any doubt." Scoffed Nigel. Spying the operative that had a handful of unrecognizable food aimed at the unsuspecting blonde, he yanked her out of the way. Looking from the goo oozing down the table then to the girl now in his lap he said with a private smile. "It wasn't just work that drew me back early. I think I missed my girlfriend."

"As you should." Sitting up she pecked him on the mouth. "Thanks for the save."

"No problem." Nigel looked around the room curiously. "Who started this by the way. We haven't had a fight like this in ages."

"Fanny and Patton." Rachel huffed. At Nigel's perplexed look she explained. "Apparently Fanny did something to Patton last week, I don't know what, and his idea of revenge was cream her face with a pie."

"Brave man." Said Nigel with respect.

"Yeah." Rachel agreed. "Well, she declared war and threw pudding at him. He obviously ducked." She finished with a gesture to the room. Nigel laughed as she sighed and sat down. " I just wish they would admit they like each other and kiss and make up like normal couples."

Nigel laughed even harder. "Are you kidding? I don't either one of them knows how to be normal. Also, I don't think that admitting defeat is in either one of their genetic make ups."

"You got that right." Suddenly looking around Rachel questioned, "Hey where did those two hell raisers get to anyways?"

The two leaders looked around for the commanders, until pointed across the room. "Rachel, I think you might be getting your wish."

Rachel followed his finger and gasped. Under a table Numbah 86 and 60 had stopped wrestling and now were making out. "I'll be damned." She whispered.

**+KND+**

Patton pulled away from his girlfriend's lips and looked into her glazed eyes. "I think I won."

Fanny looked up confused. "What are ye talking about boy?"

Laughing Patton said, "The bet remember? You said that I wouldn't kiss you in public and that you wouldn't kiss me until I did. And since we've been making out under here for the last..." Looking at his watch. "Ten minutes, I would say that I win."

"Excuse Meh!" Furiously Fanny poked him in the chest. "No, yeh didn't win! No one is watching, so this is not public! You haven't won anything!" Mad at him she wiggle out from under him but he just held tighter and laughed.

"You just said public, not that anyone had to watch. Next time be clearer with your terms." He said.

Fanny huffed. "So what, you throwing that pie in meh face was just a diversion to kiss meh in public, but not have anyone watchin'?" Looking away she said in a disappointed tone. "Way to win a girl's heart Patton."

The dark haired commander sighed and tipped her face back to his. The depressed look in those green eyes broke his heart. "Fanny, _kochanie, _it's not like that at all. I would kiss you every day, every week where ever we were. I don't care who sees. I just don't every operative declaring the apocalypse or the KNN up our asses in business that isn't theirs." Kissing her lips gently he continued. "And the pie had nothing to do with the bet, I just wanted to get you back for the mud. Besides you like the outcome any ways. Have I told you how good you taste covered in banana cream?"

"No, wiggling out of this with cute words. An don't care what people would be saying about us. If they have something to pick about it, they can file it with the Decommissioning Squad. They'll set them straight. And you haven't won anything yet, I want witnesses." Fanny finished.

Patton cupped her face with one hand and banded the other around her waist. "I did so. If you don't agree to my win by kissing you in public, then I won be default. You kissed me before you said you would. Hence I win."

"I have not forfeited! Yeh kissed meh!" Fanny hissed.

"Yeah right. What do you call the last ten ish minutes? Me kissing and making out by myself?" Patton smirked and pecked her on the lips.

Fanny sighed and pulled his mouth back to hers. "No, this all doesn't count. I call these last minutes you cheating."

"How did I cheat this time?" Asked an indignant Patton.

"You pinned me to the floor under this table and kissed me the way you know I can't say no to. You cheated." said Fanny.

"You say cheating, I say strategic planning. All's fair in love and war." Patton leaned in quickly as Fanny opened her mouth to retort. The Arctic Drill Sergeant French kissed the Decommissioning Leader back into oblivion as food flew around them across the room Numbahs 1 and 362 high fived each other.

**+The End+**

**A/N: I think this is then end of that. As I said, plot bunny just hopped into my brain. Tell me what you think! Don't be shy Review! **

_*kochanie = Polish for Sweetheart or Baby. Choose which one you want. _


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